I work. Full time. And it costs ME money to go to work. In comparing the costs associated with my job (commute, bus fare, parking, gas, tolls, dry cleaning etc.) vs. what I receive back in my paycheck, it works out to be I’m paying $100/week more than I see back in my paycheck. I love my job that much.
I loved this episode. One thing I thought was interesting was that despite all the examination of why one would have children, there was very little about why one feels compelled to create art/podcasts.
I mean I get it, I have my own stupidly time-consuming artform, but what is it for you (and Ira) that makes you keep wanting to put these pieces of communication out into the world? A sense of duty, a need to be heard, a liking for celebrity, a desire for adulation and awards? Maybe a bit of all of those things.
I am a primary care physician who is married and child free by choice. I was never anti-having children, it was just never something I really wanted to do, though I was open to the possibility that my mind may change, as so many people repeatedly told me over the years it would. But as the years have gone by, though I occasionally explored in my mind the possibilities of having children, those visions never felt like a reality I really wanted. Not that I wouldn’t be happy if I had chosen to have children, but after much pondering, I felt that in my case, what was really required was the courage to make the uncomfortable choice by taking the path less traveled that just felt more right for me.
In my work, which I find very meaningful, I’ve had the privilege of being able to talk to people of all ages from all walks of life who’ve made very different decisions about how to live it, and I’ve been lucky enough to have conversations about this topic with people in their 70s and 80s who are child free by choice, and continue to have no regrets, and these happy people with good lives gave me hope.
There are seasons of life. Seasons of being single, seasons of dating, marriage, education/training, career building, seasons of stress or joy. There’s nothing wrong with having periods of your life that are dedicated mostly to one thing.
Personally, I never felt I didn’t want children so that I could have an amazing work life, and this used to hang over my head. It seemed like there was an expectation that if one chooses not to have children, that one’s life or work must be extraordinary in some other way. But I have overcome that school of thought. I do want my work to be great, but it was never my goal for it to be the pinnacle of my existence. In regards to your questions about legacy and death beds, I know that in my dying days, or rather in any of the meaningful moments of my life, I will not be thinking about my work, and my patients will not be thinking about me, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have realized that I am someone who cares more about living a values-based life than a goals-based life. I enjoy striving and accomplishing, but I live for more than that. I have come to understand that a person‘s legacy is the quality of relationships they had with other people. For some people, those people are their children, but that does not have to be the answer for everyone. I’ve also come to understand that there is no meaning of life out there to be found, rather it is something one creates oneself.
Though I do find my work meaningful, I have found meaning outside of work in deciding to be part of “the village” in the lives of people rearing children, but also the village that supports anyone who could use some time and attention. I can be the person who can easily lend a listening ear to my aging parents, my sister who is a harried mother of three and business owner, my overwhelmed friends with children, my single friends. I can be the person with the extra bandwidth to be there, or even the person with extra expendable income to invest in things I care about, whether that’s the lives of my nieces and nephews, or nonprofits whose causes I support, though I understand that the most valuable thing I share with others is my attention.
There are no choices that allow you to have it all; you will always be missing out on some other version of your life that could’ve been. There are no major choices where there are no chances for regrets. You have to make the choices that feel most right for you, most true to your inner self, imagining all the potential rewards and challenges that could result. What are you willing to sacrifice? What kind of hardship are you willing to suffer, for what ends?
It’s okay to be different than others, or want different things than others. It can be uncomfortable at times, but it’s worse to live a life trying to fit the common mold only to realize it was never true to yourself. We do not have to endure the same journeys and experience the same transformations in order to have a life that is complete and worthy of respect.
Having the courage to face unknowns, uncertainty, external judgments, and believing you know yourself enough to find your own way is what it takes to live an authentic life.
This episode was really interesting to me because it's been something I've been thinking about a lot, but in the opposite direction. I have three children and being their mother is the best part of my life. There was a point where PJ said he often gets variations of the question "is parenting this hard for everyone?" and I have felt as I have become a parent that, not that it isn't hard, but I do find the challenge of being a parent, coupled with all the wonderful parts, incredibly fulfilling, creative, interesting, and worthwhile. I don't know that I was ever a person who had a lot of professional ambition (something I am trying to parse through as well) and it feels strange to be thinking about "is it ok to stop working?" Anyways, this episode gave me quite a bit to think about and I very much enjoyed it.
PJ, as always, great episode; Ira is a national treasure. I have a question for Search Engine: why do elected officials have no actual requirements to run for office, especially our President? Agency heads and military officers are sent to multiple professional development schools as they are promoting up, but anyone without any experience can be our president. Additionally, government employees and contractors require a very rigid security clearance investigation that takes months, but the president and their staff gets a very cursory look and mostly blanket approval for their clearances.
Haven’t listened yet but was excited to see the link to the first This American Life. I lived in Chicago then and remember the launch. I even used to listen to Ira’s previous nighttime show. I think the name was Wild something?
I’ve always likened you PJ to be this generation’s Ira Glass. Cooler, edgier, and scrappier. So it was neat hearing you guys talk about this subject.
I know you were interviewing him, but I would have loved for you guys to commiserate a little bit more. He got very personal and vulnerable with you and coming to the same profession through similar means I’m sure you had a lot to say on the topic that we didn’t really get to hear. For example I love the story you told on Longform (I think?) about how TAL sort of inspired you to radio/podcasting.
I was excited about this episode. It's a question I've often had. When you started with Ira Glass I thought, "this is going to be amazing!" But I assumed that we would also hear from other folks and get a well-rounded point of view. It's what you often do when contextualizing a big concept. So I was disappointed and left wanting. Sad face.
Thank you for creating such great content. I enjoy it immensely and look forward to everything the Search Engine team does. This was such a great episode. I've just worked my way through all the back episodes in incognito mode. There have been so many times when I've thought, "I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks/questions/wonders about this". I really can't express how much I appreciate your work.
Thanks for this episode! Last night I watched The Boy and The Heron, which is considered to have references by Hayao Miyazaki to his life and legacy of Studio Ghibli. I see so much similarity between Ira Glass and Miyazaki, and its interesting to look at the gears that make that person go.
PJ,
I can do you one better.
I work. Full time. And it costs ME money to go to work. In comparing the costs associated with my job (commute, bus fare, parking, gas, tolls, dry cleaning etc.) vs. what I receive back in my paycheck, it works out to be I’m paying $100/week more than I see back in my paycheck. I love my job that much.
Would you (or Ira) do that?
I loved this episode. One thing I thought was interesting was that despite all the examination of why one would have children, there was very little about why one feels compelled to create art/podcasts.
I mean I get it, I have my own stupidly time-consuming artform, but what is it for you (and Ira) that makes you keep wanting to put these pieces of communication out into the world? A sense of duty, a need to be heard, a liking for celebrity, a desire for adulation and awards? Maybe a bit of all of those things.
I am a primary care physician who is married and child free by choice. I was never anti-having children, it was just never something I really wanted to do, though I was open to the possibility that my mind may change, as so many people repeatedly told me over the years it would. But as the years have gone by, though I occasionally explored in my mind the possibilities of having children, those visions never felt like a reality I really wanted. Not that I wouldn’t be happy if I had chosen to have children, but after much pondering, I felt that in my case, what was really required was the courage to make the uncomfortable choice by taking the path less traveled that just felt more right for me.
In my work, which I find very meaningful, I’ve had the privilege of being able to talk to people of all ages from all walks of life who’ve made very different decisions about how to live it, and I’ve been lucky enough to have conversations about this topic with people in their 70s and 80s who are child free by choice, and continue to have no regrets, and these happy people with good lives gave me hope.
There are seasons of life. Seasons of being single, seasons of dating, marriage, education/training, career building, seasons of stress or joy. There’s nothing wrong with having periods of your life that are dedicated mostly to one thing.
Personally, I never felt I didn’t want children so that I could have an amazing work life, and this used to hang over my head. It seemed like there was an expectation that if one chooses not to have children, that one’s life or work must be extraordinary in some other way. But I have overcome that school of thought. I do want my work to be great, but it was never my goal for it to be the pinnacle of my existence. In regards to your questions about legacy and death beds, I know that in my dying days, or rather in any of the meaningful moments of my life, I will not be thinking about my work, and my patients will not be thinking about me, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have realized that I am someone who cares more about living a values-based life than a goals-based life. I enjoy striving and accomplishing, but I live for more than that. I have come to understand that a person‘s legacy is the quality of relationships they had with other people. For some people, those people are their children, but that does not have to be the answer for everyone. I’ve also come to understand that there is no meaning of life out there to be found, rather it is something one creates oneself.
Though I do find my work meaningful, I have found meaning outside of work in deciding to be part of “the village” in the lives of people rearing children, but also the village that supports anyone who could use some time and attention. I can be the person who can easily lend a listening ear to my aging parents, my sister who is a harried mother of three and business owner, my overwhelmed friends with children, my single friends. I can be the person with the extra bandwidth to be there, or even the person with extra expendable income to invest in things I care about, whether that’s the lives of my nieces and nephews, or nonprofits whose causes I support, though I understand that the most valuable thing I share with others is my attention.
There are no choices that allow you to have it all; you will always be missing out on some other version of your life that could’ve been. There are no major choices where there are no chances for regrets. You have to make the choices that feel most right for you, most true to your inner self, imagining all the potential rewards and challenges that could result. What are you willing to sacrifice? What kind of hardship are you willing to suffer, for what ends?
It’s okay to be different than others, or want different things than others. It can be uncomfortable at times, but it’s worse to live a life trying to fit the common mold only to realize it was never true to yourself. We do not have to endure the same journeys and experience the same transformations in order to have a life that is complete and worthy of respect.
Having the courage to face unknowns, uncertainty, external judgments, and believing you know yourself enough to find your own way is what it takes to live an authentic life.
This episode was really interesting to me because it's been something I've been thinking about a lot, but in the opposite direction. I have three children and being their mother is the best part of my life. There was a point where PJ said he often gets variations of the question "is parenting this hard for everyone?" and I have felt as I have become a parent that, not that it isn't hard, but I do find the challenge of being a parent, coupled with all the wonderful parts, incredibly fulfilling, creative, interesting, and worthwhile. I don't know that I was ever a person who had a lot of professional ambition (something I am trying to parse through as well) and it feels strange to be thinking about "is it ok to stop working?" Anyways, this episode gave me quite a bit to think about and I very much enjoyed it.
Best outro music EVER. Brilliant.
PJ, as always, great episode; Ira is a national treasure. I have a question for Search Engine: why do elected officials have no actual requirements to run for office, especially our President? Agency heads and military officers are sent to multiple professional development schools as they are promoting up, but anyone without any experience can be our president. Additionally, government employees and contractors require a very rigid security clearance investigation that takes months, but the president and their staff gets a very cursory look and mostly blanket approval for their clearances.
wow - a wonderful episode. thank you for making this and for your vulnerability to put it out there for us to connect with.
Haven’t listened yet but was excited to see the link to the first This American Life. I lived in Chicago then and remember the launch. I even used to listen to Ira’s previous nighttime show. I think the name was Wild something?
I'm curious to know why neither Ira NOR PJ ever mentioned PJ's time at TAL!
I’ve always likened you PJ to be this generation’s Ira Glass. Cooler, edgier, and scrappier. So it was neat hearing you guys talk about this subject.
I know you were interviewing him, but I would have loved for you guys to commiserate a little bit more. He got very personal and vulnerable with you and coming to the same profession through similar means I’m sure you had a lot to say on the topic that we didn’t really get to hear. For example I love the story you told on Longform (I think?) about how TAL sort of inspired you to radio/podcasting.
I was excited about this episode. It's a question I've often had. When you started with Ira Glass I thought, "this is going to be amazing!" But I assumed that we would also hear from other folks and get a well-rounded point of view. It's what you often do when contextualizing a big concept. So I was disappointed and left wanting. Sad face.
Thank you for creating such great content. I enjoy it immensely and look forward to everything the Search Engine team does. This was such a great episode. I've just worked my way through all the back episodes in incognito mode. There have been so many times when I've thought, "I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks/questions/wonders about this". I really can't express how much I appreciate your work.
Thanks for this episode! Last night I watched The Boy and The Heron, which is considered to have references by Hayao Miyazaki to his life and legacy of Studio Ghibli. I see so much similarity between Ira Glass and Miyazaki, and its interesting to look at the gears that make that person go.
Fantastic episode!